Rebel

I still remember the smell of my grandfathers black and red flannel shirts. They were a mix of cigarette smoke and pine trees. When I would hug him, my face would come up to just over the top of his rounded belly. He reminded me of Santa Claus... if Santa was from New Hampshire. His beard would tickle the skin on my face as he bent down to kiss me goodbye when ever I left his house. He always had tootsie rolls, always. They were hidden in his pockets or in a tin on his dresser. He taught me how to swing a golf club, and how to laugh so deeply that my sides ached for days. He taught me the meaning of a smile, and what the warmth of another hand on yours feels like. Although I cannot remember what his voice sounds like, I will always remember what it felt like to have him smile down on me. Just to know he was there and proud of everything I was doing meant the world to me. Everytime I hear the high speed noise of a NASCAR race on TV, or eat a tootise roll, or see horses, or think of the south, I feel him. I feel him protecting me on lonely walks home. I feel him laugh when I make a joke, and smile when I do something that I am proud of. I wish he could have been there to see me graduate high school. I wish he could see me graduate college, get married, hold my children when I have them. I wish I could have said goodbye to him. I wish I could have told him one last time that I loved him. I wish I was given that chance. But since people decided to take that away from me, I celebrate him even more everyday.

Who can say for certain

Maybe you're still here

I feel you all around me

Your memories so clear

Deep in the stillness

I can hear you speak

You're still an inspiration

Can it be

That you are mine

Forever love

And you are watching over me from up above

Fly me up to where you are

Beyond the distant star I wish upon tonight

To see you smile

If only for awhile to know you're there

A breath away's not far

To where you are

~Josh Groban

R.I.P. Harold Carpenter I love you with all my heart and soul. Forever and ever.