A Need to Vent

I feel the overwhelming urge to write something. I know exactly what I wan to write, and who I want to read it - but the simple fact is neither of those things are going to happen. I will end up feeling sorry for lashing out and delete half of it. The other part is I know that the friend that I want to read this will not even know it's here. The friend that I am writing this for is slowly leaving my life it seems and I don't have any idea why. It hurts more than any possible words could say. Namely because this person is one of my best friends, I love her more than she will ever know and not being able to hear her voice or get a message from her everyday is heartbreaking. I mean, I try my hardest to concentrate on other things like homework and classes... and my friends here at school; but it always goes back to her. Because she was a huge part of my support system. With her not here it feels like part of my immune system is down and every possible thing that I could catch, I am and every bad thing that could possibly happen to me is happening. It feels like it is just because she isn't there. Now, I feel like crap saying all these things when I have the rest of my group of friends who talk to me on a daily basis... but it's just different now. I can't explain it, all I know is we both understood each other better than anyone it seemed, and both of us knew how to calm the other down. The hardest part about this whole thing, is that I don't understand why all this is going on. I just don't. And that kills me. I just wish her to know that I love her and miss her more than she will ever know. I know this wasn't much of a blog, it didn't make you think or help you understand something. It wasn't me being poetic and writerly. But you know what? It feels better for ME to get this out and sometimes, I think that's all that counts.